This time last year.....Un anno oggi....

Era la vigilia di Natale.... (quello non è cambiato).  I tuoi fratelli erano eccitati aspettando Babbo Natale....(quello non è cambiato nemmeno).  .... tu eri dentro di me ... scalciando.... (non serve dire che quello che cambiato.....).

Mi manchi Principessa Thea.

Per sempre nel mio cuore.... adesso e per sempre...

Buon Natale piccola....

It was Christmas Eve.... (that hasn't changed).   Your brother's where excited waiting for Father Christmas.... (that hasn't changed either)..... you were with me.... kicking inside me..... (no need to say that that has changed....).

I miss you Princess Thea.

Always in my heart..... now and forever.....

Happy Christmas baby girl.....

That question popped up AGAIN.....

Mummy when are we going to put up our christmas tree?

Luca said: "We're not having a Christmas tree this year because our little sister has passed away".

HOW SAD!  Hearing an almost 8 year old boy practically saying that Christmas is cancelled because Thea isn't here anymore.  I then took out the little Christmas Tree and the little Nativity scene and put it in their room.  Thank God they liked the idea.... espcially when I told them that they are going to be the luckiest boy because this year Father Christmas will be visiting their bedroom!!!!

Here is our attempt at doing a little tree with butterflies:

I also took Thea her Christmas tree.  I've been looking for a nice little tree for her but not found anything I really liked.  I was considering making it myself....but yesterday I came across this:

sono andata ad un funerale ieri.....Went to a funeral yesterday.....

Un nostro amico è morto.  Siamo andati al suo funerale.  Come sempre, quando c'è un funerale in paese quasi tutto il paese partecipa.  Mio marito ed io siamo andati.... mentre la salma era dentro il cimitero e tutti baciavano la bara e a salutarlo..... io e mio marito siamo andati a salutare il nostro angioletto.  Un nostro amico ci ha visti allontanarci e ci ha chiesto se poteva venire con noi a dare un bacino alla nostra Thea.  Ero felice!  E' venuto.... ha baciato la sua lapide e ci ha abbracciati con le lacrime agli occhi.

Questi sono amici!  Queste sono persone che hanno il coraggio a non pensare che parlare di Thea significa per forza che ci fa del male.  Sono grata per questi amici e ringrazio il mio angioletto per farmelo capire chi è VERAMENTE un amico.

Forse parlo troppo dell'amicizia....forse do troppa importanza all'amicizia.  
L'amicizia è amore e do' il mio amore solo a persone speciali.

A friend of ours died.  We went to his funeral.  As always when there is a funeral in the village nearly the whole village goes to the funeral.  Hubby and I went..... and whilst the coffin was in the cemetary and everyone went to kiss the coffin and say their last goodbyes..... Hubby and I went to say hello to our little angel.  A friend saw us..... nearby and asked us if he could come and kiss Thea' grave.  I was SO happy!  He came.... he kissed her coffin and put his arms round our shoulders with tears in his eyes.

These are friends!  These are people who have the guts to not think that talking about Thea means that it's going to hurt our feelings.  I'm SO greatful to have these friends and I thank my little angel for making it clear to me who REALLY is a friend to me.

I maybe go on about friendship too much..... maybe I give friendship too much importance.  Friendship is Love and I only give love to special people.

A friend asked what time the cemetary closes....Un'amica ha chiesto quando chiude il cimitero...

Mi ha detto che ha preso un angioletto per Thea.  E' un angioletto natalizia!!!

Amo quando ricordano Thea!!!!

..... She said that she has bought a little angel ornament for Thea's grave.  It's an Angel dressed up all Christmassy!!!!!

I love it when Thea is remembered!!!!!!!

Mummy.... when are we going to put our christmas tree up?

That's what Calogero asked me today.  I horribly tried to ignore what he said.  Then he said it a second time... and I said.... you and Luca have already decorated the christmas tree and the navtivity scene downstairs in your aunt's house.  "But OUR christmas tree is nicer!"  

Truth is is that I'm trying to shut out Christmas in our house the best I can.  

I don't want a tree with all the decorations that I made last year when Thea was with me.  I don't want to take out that tree that I touched the last time Thea was with me.... it's as though I want to savour that moment.  Not touch the tree that I touched when Thea was with me not to contaminate it.  GOD this is all so difficult!  

I think I'll try and make things fair and put up a little tree in the boys bedroom.  I really hope they're happy with it.....

Roll on 8th of January!!!!!!  I want you to be here already!

Empty... Vuoto....

Questo.... è quello che ho potuto mostrare stasera! Un carrello vuoto!

Ho incontrato una mia ex vicina di casa al supermercato.  Erano da 4 anni che non la vedevo.  Mi guardo' e disse: "sembri più piena.... sei in attesa?" :(

Le ho raccontato tutta la storia.  Lei mi ha detto che le dispiaceva.  Poi disse " Una bambina!" Poi: ...... "il Signore te ne mandera' un'altra abbi fede!".  Io non voglio un'altra bambina, io voglio THEA!  Volevo Thea seduta in quel carrello.... sbavando e parlottando mentre i suoi fratelli tenevano il carrello.  Volevo poter mostrare la mia neonata e dirle quanto sono contenta.  Volevo.... ma quello che potevo fare..... era stare lì con un carrello pieno di cibo.... e io una grandissima grassona che ancora non sono riuscita a smaltire il peso preso per la gravidanza di Thea.  Quello che mi rimane ...... è grasso!

This..... is all I had to show for tonight!  An empty Shopping cart!  

I met my ex neighbour at the supermarket tonight.  It had been 4 years since I last saw her.  She looked at me and said : "you look a bit fatter.... are you pregnant?"  :(  

I then told her the whole story.  She said she was so sorry to hear about it.  She then said "oh a little girl!"  he then said.... "God will end you another little girl I'm sure!".  I don't want another little girl I want Thea!  I wanted Thea in that shopping cart sitting there.... dribbling and coeing while her brothers where holding on to the cart.  I wanted to be able to show her my lovely new born baby and tell her how happy I was.  I wanted to ...... but all I could do.... was stand there with a shopping cart full of food.... and me a great big fat lump that still hasn't managed to get rid of all the wieght I put on for Thea's pregnany.  All I have left.... is fat!

Ideas for remembering at Christmas.....

For those of you who do not know Small Bird Studios Blog..... click Here to visit the blog and read the simple and creative ideas that Franchesca is putting together in a TWELVE DAYS with you in Heaven project.

Per quelli che non conoscono il blog Small bird Studios.... cliccate qui per visitare il blog e leggere delle idee semplici e creativi che Franchesca sta mettendo insieme in un progetto chiamato DODICI GIORNI in Paradiso con te.