Mummy.... when are we going to put our christmas tree up?

That's what Calogero asked me today.  I horribly tried to ignore what he said.  Then he said it a second time... and I said.... you and Luca have already decorated the christmas tree and the navtivity scene downstairs in your aunt's house.  "But OUR christmas tree is nicer!"  

Truth is is that I'm trying to shut out Christmas in our house the best I can.  

I don't want a tree with all the decorations that I made last year when Thea was with me.  I don't want to take out that tree that I touched the last time Thea was with me.... it's as though I want to savour that moment.  Not touch the tree that I touched when Thea was with me not to contaminate it.  GOD this is all so difficult!  

I think I'll try and make things fair and put up a little tree in the boys bedroom.  I really hope they're happy with it.....

Roll on 8th of January!!!!!!  I want you to be here already!